You might be a Republican If

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've jokingly called your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just worked harder.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "Arsty Fartsy."
You answer to (or are) "The Man."
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said that a college education is not for everybody.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You despise the liberal/secular media.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.